Silly Songwriting

This was a wild project that led to me experiencing my own birther conspiracy in the press 🙂

It started when I helped make a North Dakota comedy album to dunk on Sufjan Steven’s failed attempt to make 50 state albums:

These are the silly songs/sketches I wrote & produced:

Lyrics

OIL, BOOM, MONEY, FRACKING, DRILLING, DRUGS, CASH, GUNS

a solitary dandelion whistling ‘cross the prairie

OIL, BOOM, BAKKEN, BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS, BADLANDS, DRILL HANDS

furtive glances at the williston community library

OIL, BOOM, BIG RIGS, BIG TRUCKS, BIG BEARS, LITTLE LAWS, COCAINE, METHANE FLAMES

a gently used ukulele at a widow’s garage sale

OIL, BOOM, PROFIT, BARRELS, MILLIONAIRES, TYCOONS, BUCK SHOOTERS, PROSTITUTERS

a forgotten teddy bear in theodore roosevelt national park

OIL, BOOM, ALCOHOL, MACHINERY, PUMPJACKS, ROUGH NECKS, LIQUID GOLD, BRUTAL COLD

an unheard whisper of a well-kept and tender secret

OIL, BOOM, CASH, CRIME, HUSTLERS, DRUNKARDS, FIGHTING, FLIGHTING

a little box in a little room with the little last pieces of Senator Kevin Cramer’s heart

Lyrics

South dakota why don’t you love me
We’re both dakotas with so much in common
And yet you put up walls-a round your emotions
You call it a border, but it’s completely uncalled for
We could be one dakota with baby dakiddies
One dakota. One dakota. One dakota.

South dakota why don’t you love me?
Is it because you’re jealous of my relationship with canada?
Dont be concerned about the international peace gardens
They’re just a symbol of friendship, and nothing more
If we had a garden, our love would blossom
In a much more romantic, public display of affection
One dakota. One dakota. One dakota.

South dakota, why don’t you love me?
If you come to my badlands, I’ll mount your rushmore
One dakota, one dakota, one dakota.

South dakota why don’t you love me?
Is it because I’m listed, as the 39th state while you’re 40th?
Everyone knows we joined, at the exact same time
And that’s just an alphabetical, technicality
The secretary of state, shuffled the paperwork
So no one would know, who was actually signed first
If we became one dakota, we’d share the same prominence
In the alphabet

South dakota, why don’t you love me?
If you come to my badlands, I’ll mount your rushmore
One dakota, one dakota, one dakota.

Script

FARGO MOVIE TRAILER: In a place called Fargo, anything can happen…

SUFJAN: A lot can happen in the middle of nowhere, that’s what the movie tagline says. So I’m searching for this middle of nowhere, cuz I heard a lot can happen there
SUFJAN: I’m headin to Minnesooooota..

…

NORTH DAKOTAN: Hey there’s no Fargo here in Minnesota! That’s in north dakota. The movie made everyone think it was here by saying “The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987”
SUFJAN: Oh, So north dakota huh?
NORTH DAKOTAN: You betcha! Just across the border, sufjan
SUFJAN: You know people around here sound a little different than what I was expecting
NORTH DAKOTAN: Yeah well that’s another misconception the movie created! We don’t have those goofy accents in film.
SUFJAN: Wow I guess there’s a lot I don’t really know about this part of the country…
SUFJAN: I’m headin to Fargo, North Dakooooota..

…

NORTH DAKOTAN: yep this is fargo.
SUFJAN: huh, you know this doesn’t feel so middle of nowhere - it’s like a normal sized city with chain stores and stuff.
NORTH DAKOTAN: yeah well what’d you expect sufjan? Fargo is over 100,000 people with a vibrant community interconnected with the rest of the country.
SUFJAN: do you know if there’s a place around here that might be more considered the middle of nowhere?
NORTH DAKOTAN: middle of nowhere? well I don’t know about that but there are 3 towns out there all claiming to sit at the exact geographical center of North America - Rugby, Robinson, and aptly-named Center, North Dakota. Rugby’s been making the claim the longest.
SUFJAN: Rugby huh
SUFJAN: I’m headin to Rugby, North Dakooooota..

…

NORTH DAKOTAN: yep this is Rugby, North Dakota the exact center of North America…
SUFJAN: huh this doesn’t feel right..

…

NORTH DAKOTAN: yep this is Robinson, North Dakota the exact center of North America, don’t let those Rugby basterds fool ya.
SUFJAN: hmm, something’s still off..

…

NORTH DAKOTAN: yep this is Center, North Dakota the exact center of North America, don’t let those Rugby and Robinson wankers fool ya, hey now why you looking so forlorn sufjan
SUFJAN: well I’ve been searching for the middle of nowhere but I’m starting to thinking the geographical center just isn’t quite the same thing.
NORTH DAKOTAN: well no shit sherlock, maybe you need to folllow the path of teddy roosevelt
SUFJAN: what do you mean?
NORTH DAKOTAN: Well he was a frail asthmatic dandy until he went out into the north dakota wilderness for 5 years and emerged full of vigor
SUFJAN: Huh, the wilderness North Dakota
SUFJAN: I’m headin to the wilderness of North Dakooooota..

…

SUFJAN: ughh I’m just so thirsty and frail, and I don’t even know how to hunt - what am I doing? …who are you!?
TEDDY ROOSEVELT GHOST: I’m the ghost of teddy roosevelt of course! What are you doing in my national park?
SUFJAN: well I’ve been searching for the middle of nowhere cuz I heard a lot can happen there, but fargo was too bustling to be middle of nowhere, and these other towns were too sleepy for a lot to happen…
TEDDY ROOSEVELT GHOST: Sounds like you don’t know what the hell it is you’re even looking for sufjan, and “the middle of nowhere” is a derogatory term to be calling these towns!
SUFJAN: Oh noo
TEDDY ROOSEVELT GHOST: don’t you see, you’re completely lost and morally bankrupt… The middle of nowhere has been inside you all along!!!

Then in unintentional comedy news, the album was covered extremely seriously in North Dakota:

Not from North Dakota??? That is my hometown paper lol

So I wrote an equally EXTREMELY SERIOUS letter to the editor, challenging the paper’s own North Dakotan identity:

Sadly they didn't complete any of my authenticity challenges, but they interviewed me and published an important correction that I am in fact North Dakotan:

Full Article

Never thought I’d experience my own birther conspiracy, but 2020 was bonkers

Brian

Comedy Writer / Director / Editor

Silly Songwriting